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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25150681">Distorted</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/syusuke/pseuds/syusuke'>syusuke</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>ANBU Kakashi [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Anbu doing their job, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Deception, Emotional Baggage, Gen, Manipulation, The Author Regrets Nothing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:26:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,538</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25150681</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/syusuke/pseuds/syusuke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A young Hound just joined Anbu and is still learning to use his resources.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>ANBU Kakashi [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1189593</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Distorted</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally started for the Pride prompt in the Kakashi Lounge, but it took me way too long.<br/>Almost scrapped it. Only exist thanks to the wonderful AdolescantLycan who beta'd it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He traded his name for a mask. Its white porcelain was cold against his forehead. It didn’t fit him well, constantly moving, too big. It was made for an adult, not a teenager.</p><p>It didn’t matter. He was a shinobi, an anbu now.</p><p>Tiger led him through the thick mist with long and steady strides, taking to the trees once the path got muddy. Hound had to push himself to keep up with his captain without making a sound. They were close. If he concentrated hard enough he could hear people arguing nearby. He could even hear fire crackle and the faint smell of a warm meal filled his nose. They had set out hours ago as he was cruelly reminded by his empty stomach. There had been no time to gear up properly, unlike his captain he didn’t carry emergency soldier pills. Tiger had forbidden their use until he was fully grown.</p><p>Hound dropped immediately to the dirt track below him when he saw quick hand signs. <em>You. Distraction. Lost.</em></p><p>The trees around him were old and tall, covered in smaller plants. It was easy enough to find a thicket and hide his Hound mask and armor in there. Once he had stripped off any sign of being a ninja, all his additional weapon pouches and kunai gone, there was only one last thing to do. Hesitation stilled his hand, but he couldn’t risk keeping the cloth mask. With the headband gone his bangs covered his left eye well enough. The cold air against his cheeks made him feel naked and vulnerable more than a lack of weapons ever could. As much as he despised it, there was no way around this. Tiger had given his orders and as his subordinate he had to obey.</p><p>Kakashi let the cold seep into his bones, no longer using chakra to stay warm. Experimentally, he moved his hands as if trembling. It only took a minute until he was shuddering in earnest and his teeth clicked uncomfortably. He rubbed soil in his hair and over his skin, then shook it off like a dog. It would have to do. He looked as disheveled and lost as he could manage in a few minutes. What was he doing? Weren’t anbu supposed to kill their enemies? Why did they not just rush in and end the traitor? Why this deception?</p><p>Orders were absolute. A good shinobi followed his superior’s orders.</p><p>“Help! Is anyone there? Please…”</p><p>He flinched at his voice. Weak and almost cracking. He was truly shivering now as he forced himself to stumble against the tree trunks and pretended to use them to stay upright. When he was finally so close that the sounds of the camp were loud enough even for a civilian to hear, he shouted again.</p><p>“Is anyone there? Please… I’m scared… Anyone? Please!”</p><p>He thought of bloodstained tatami, of falling rocks, and his voice finally broke. He didn’t recognize it anymore. All he could hear was a scared child. A lost boy… he hated it.</p><p>“Anybody? Please.. I’m all alone and don’t know where to go.”</p><p>Finally the guard noticed him. The man had to be a civilian. His steps were heavy and slow, so unlike a shinobi. Then again a shinobi would know to look closer, a shinobi wouldn’t be caught off guard and invite a random lost boy into their camp. A shinobi would question him and notice they were too far from the next village to encounter lost children. They might not suspect another shinobi, but at the very least a trap from bandits.</p><p>These people were civilians though. They looked at him and saw a child desperately searching for his caretaker. They pitied him. He accepted a place by the fire and a small bowl of broth from a woman with an open smile. He braced himself for her touch and managed not to flinch. He imagined it was father’s smile and father’s hand on his shoulder and forced his body to lean into it. He looked at her, trying for the wide-eyed and somewhat scared expression Rin usually had when she asked sensei to repeat things.</p><p>Anbu used their resources to their fullest. Deception was easier if you spiked your lies with little truths. Body language was simple to fake if you could recall the last time you felt the needed emotion. Tiger said to use real emotions in fake situations. So Kakashi did. He let himself feel relief like the time he had trained too hard and very nearly passed out, but never hit the ground because he fell against an obnoxiously green back. He let the broth warm him and slowly the shiver faded.</p><p>“Eat, child. You’ll be safe here.”</p><p>She had no idea. Kakashi heard the faintest rustle of leaves indicating his captain’s approach. The camp was smaller than anticipated. It was unlikely there were shinobi with them aside from the traitor. Annihilating them all would be the quickest and safest way to get to the traitor and stop any intel from spreading. Tiger was skilled in earth style and could make the camp disappear without a trace. They should find out if anyone left the camp recently or if anyone would miss them, but the group neither seemed wealthy enough nor did they look like the locals. If anyone would go looking for them, they wouldn’t know where to start and they couldn’t read the faint traces shinobi left. He forced another smile, this time thinking of his pack lazing around in the afternoon sun.</p><p>“Thank you, Miss! I’m sorry to be a burden, but… my brother ran ahead to find shelter and I.. I couldn’t keep up.”</p><p>The woman patted his hair. Her expression was blank, but he could see wetness forming at the corner of her eyes. Did he look that miserable?</p><p>“Are you the youngest?”</p><p><em>Oh.</em> He hadn’t even thought of that. It was common practice during war times. When families could no longer feed all their children they sacrificed the younger ones. The older kids were needed to run business while the younger did not have the necessary skills yet. He searched his mind for a time he’d felt betrayed and helpless. A time he broke down as an abandoned child would.</p><p>Rin. Rin <em>using</em> him. Rin <em>dying by his hand</em>… Rin.</p><p>His breathing sped up and he had to take in huge gulps. He dropped the bowl, hands shaking and before long he was crying silent tears.</p><p>
  <em>It was an act. An act. Just an act.</em>
</p><p>He didn’t resist when he was pulled into the woman’s chest. Her fingers carded through his hair and she was warm and soft and.. safe. How could a stranger feel safe?</p><p>He had to stop. He had to get a grip. He felt the eyes of several people on him, but he couldn’t stop clinging to her. His body betrayed him as she started rocking him, and a loud sob escaped.</p><p>“I’m sorry, sweetie. I’m so sorry. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay. You’re not alone.”</p><p>Kakashi cried in her arms, selfishly taking all the comfort she offered.</p><p>His heart and his mind were locked in a stalemate. He couldn’t stop his emotions, couldn’t stop <em>feeling</em>. But he could also sense Tiger working. He heard the sharp whizz of shuriken cutting through the air, but there were no screams. He still felt several eyes on him and they were closer. He could smell them.</p><p>When he heard Tiger land in front of their group he looked up through a blurry of tears. He saw white porcelain, cold and forever unmoving. There was not a single drop of blood on his captain.</p><p>“Duck.”</p><p>Kakashi did. He heard the blade slice through the air and slow down with each impact. A head rolled into view. The woman who had comforted him. He didn’t need to look further, he knew everyone was dead. Almost two dozen civilians dead for the sake of one traitor.</p><p>This was just. This was the way of shinobi. It was for the sake of the village.</p><p>His gaze was still locked onto the severed head and he felt another burst of tears forming as he opened Obito’s eye, burning the image of warm brown eyes into his memory. He still felt her lingering warmth and pushed it deep down together with the image, locking it up with all the other intense emotions Tiger had said to use on missions.</p><p>Would her face appear in his dreams tonight? Would it be her smile or..</p><p>He pulled his cloth mask up, wiped away the tears and vanished with a curt nod. He wanted his gear. He wanted to become Hound .</p><p>Tiger would destroy all evidence.</p><p>They made their way back in silence.</p><p>Haste was unnecessary now. Tiger shortened his steps, no longer rushing ahead. For the first time since he had joined the anbu, his captain approved of his work.</p><p>“That was a good act. I’ll see to it that you get more of these missions. You should be proud!”</p><p>Hound forcefully pushed down the protests rising, his heart clenching in misery.</p><p>This was anbu. He was no longer human. He was a weapon.</p><p>“I am.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm curious. What hurt you the most?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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